The day I get my house back

I often look around the house and think "MY GOD! What happened to my house?!" It used to be so clean and Pinterest inspired a lot of the organization that we had. So what in the world happened? I look around the house and see toys, toys, and more toys. I see laundry in baskets getting wrinkled and dishes piled up in the sink. Diapers overflow the trash in the bathroom and nursery (don't even get me started on the dirty ones). Dust builds up on the dresser, the TV cabinet, and the tables. The fridge is a wreck. Our kitchen is now the staging area for food disasters and tiny tantrums. Our cabinets were taken over by sippy cups, bowls, baby food, kid-friendly snacks, and a wide array of infant medicines. 

As someone that has major OCD and germaphobia, this just seems unacceptable to me. On the days that I get a chance to clean...and I'm talkin' that good deep clean...it doesn't take long to go right back to a war zone. They say if you have OCD, it is supposed to disappear when you have kids...or maybe it's "you're supposed to let it go". Easier said than done, but I've come to terms with it a bit. 

I pick up toys most every night after Jase goes to sleep, but the next morning, I'm stepping on the loudest, sharpest freakin toy ever made (you know the one when you haven't had your morning coffee). 

When I go visit my friends that have kids, I look around and realize it's not just me. Then I think, okay my house isn't that bad. That bad! My standards have now changed. Yikes. Yes, to all my wonderful friends with kids, I'm looking at your house and your mess. But I am definitely not judging you because I know what you're dealing with!

But, and this is a big BUT...! I couldn't imagine it any other way. A few weeks ago, we installed new floors in the living room. We had to move every single last little toy into the playroom area. When the floors were done, I stood looking around shaking my head. It just wasn't right. No riding cars. No teethers. No trucks or lawnmowers. No cups anywhere. No toy box. No toys in sight. It was in that moment when I realized life was pretty boring before this kiddo came along.

I quickly ran to the playroom and grabbed all the living room toys and scattered them around the floor. I sat back and breathed a sigh of relief knowing that everything was back in its clustered, chaotic place. I thought for a moment and realized that with all the stress and aggravation that comes with the house being in shambles, it also means that the day I get my house back will be a bittersweet moment because it will mean that my little boy is all grown. 

Baby Proofing

So as many of you know, Jase is very mischievous! The boy just wants to investigate everything and nothing gets in his way. Early on, we had to put cabinet safety locks on every cabinet door in the kitchen and bathrooms. Now, I know some people that have never had to do that, but our little man gets into everything...and I mean EVERYTHING! It took awhile to get used to. I can't tell you how many times I pulled open a door in the kitchen only to forget there was a lock I needed to push down. Now that we've gotten used to the door locks, Jase also figured them out and can get past most of them. This left me baffled and thinking what else in the house needs to be made safe.

First thing I thought of were the door knobs. I'm not too worried about the bedroom and bathroom doors, but I did end up buying the door handle covers for the door leading to the basement steps, the back door leading to the porch, and the front door. Here's the problem...I get so pissed at those knob covers! The back door sticks a little, and I tried for ten minutes to get the back door open, then I gave up. After awhile, I walked back over to the door and tried again. After getting beyond frustrated, I ripped the safety cover off and opened the door. I eventually put it back on. 

I thought we were making progress by getting used to the covers and thinking we finally outsmarted our little guy. However, we left one knob uncovered. His closet door has a flat handle and very easy to pull open. I walked into his room and found him rummaging through the shelves of baby lotions and soaps pulling things apart one by one. Off to the store we went! We got a Safety 1st lever handle lock. 

The day I went to install it, I read the directions and realized the door knob needed to be pulled off completely. I sighed, rolled my eyes and dug through the house to get a screw driver. After removing the screws and the door knob, I attached the safety plate and the cover. Once the door knob was back on and everything looked correct, I put it to the test. Jase ran over to it and tried to open the door. Success! I don't know why I got so excited, but I felt like "man, I can do anything if I just try!" Yup, it's the little things.

It's bad enough that I have the entire house on lock down, but the wall outlets are no exception. I covered those before Jase was even born. It's quite a task to remove those every time I need to use an outlet! But safety comes first! I am pretty positive that he will find other things to get into, but I refuse to get a lock on the fridge or toilet! There's just no way I can battle opening either one of those. I do wish there was a toilet paper lock though. Happy baby proofing everyone!

Check up high and low

A couple of weeks ago, Jase had his 15-month check up. I always dread those because those poor little kids have to get so many shots when they are young. This time around, he was only getting two shots. 

When we got to the doctor's office, we checked in and sat down in the well check waiting area. Jase ran back and forth looking at all the different things in the room...seemingly excited to be there. As he ran towards the door that leads back to the check-up rooms, the nurse opened it and said "Jase". When she saw that he was already standing there, she looked over at me and said "he is way too happy to be here!" Thankfully, Jase really loves his doctor, but the nurses he could take or leave. 

We were directed to room 13 and began the 20 question game. Is he on this; is he on that; how many times does he do this or that; can he do this; does he take that or eat this; any questions or concerns for the doctor today? The list goes on and on. As a parent, you always want to answer correctly or hope what you're saying doesn't sound too dumb. 

After the series of questions, the nurse took his measurements, but not without a good fight and crying fit on Jase's end. Even getting his weight made him pitch a fit. Not sure he liked that nurse too much. 

The doctor finally entered the room and went through the growth development and gave the all good thumbs up. The next step was to check ears, nose, and throat. We imagined this wouldn't happen without another fight, but as the doctor checked Jase's ears, I calmly said "still, still, almost done". No tears. No fits. The doctor looked at me in amazement and said "you walked him right through that!" I politely smiled, but inside I'm thinking high fives everywhere...boom. I'm good!

Same thing with throat and nose. I looked over at Jase and told him to open and stuck my tongue out at him. His adorable reaction was to open his mouth and say "aahhhhh". Perfect. No fits! Jase gave the doctor high five and did some other tricks. He was happy as could be.

"Smart little boy and right on track" said the doctor. "Looks like he got his parents' smarts". I smiled, shook his hand and beamed from ear to ear. Then I thought, I wonder if he says that to everyone? Either way, I was happy for a good report and of course every mom wants to hear how smart their child is. The doctor gave him a sticker and walked out. 

Just as I was about to get Jase dressed and leave, the nurse walked back in with the shots. I cringed because I was still reveling in the 'my child is a genius' feeling that I forgot about the shots. It's the worst thing to pin your child to the table while the nurse jabs needles into your baby's legs. I swear it looks like they go bone deep with those things. She made a comment about how strong he was as she was trying to hold his legs still. There we were with a crying baby again. Our happy moment didn't last too long! 

Kid are like dogs...sort of

I remember back when the thought of having a kid was just that...a thought. One night, pre baby, I was giving my two chihuahuas a bath and I said "there's no way I can have kids. You have to feed them and bathe them every day and who has time for that!" Silly me right?

Over the years, I've noticed that the busier you are in life the more a person is able to accomplish. This reigned true when I was working, attending school, finishing papers and blogs, and interning. I felt like I had the most free time ever. I always found myself hiking or finding new trails and hanging out with friends. 

When I got pregnant, I instantly thought about all the time I would need to create in order to fit taking care of a baby into my hectic life. It's amazing how we are able to make the time for things that are important. When Jase was born, it was a major lifestyle change for sure, but in a great way. He gets fed and bathed every day! **miracle huh? 

I almost feel bad for the dogs! They barely get enough attention now, but half the time I find myself saying "no no" to them like they are Jase or yelling all three names when trying to get their attention (Chopper, no Spence...I mean Jase!!) I've also been known to slip a few times and call the crib a crate or vice versa. It's easy to mix everything up! They are so much the same in the manner of taking care of them, but they are so different too. They all pee, poop, sleep, eat, have mistakes, need their nails trimmed and get more check ups than I ever will in a lifetime!

Even though our fur babies were the original children in our house, they are outnumbered by a 15 month old that loves to chase them! 

Maternity Leave Doesn't Work

I recently read an article in Bloomberg Businessweek about the lack of maternity leave, paid or unpaid, in the United States. The max most people can take at most companies is a 12 week optional unpaid leave. The standard paid leave (and by standard I mean 60% of your pay) falls under short term disability and you always hear six weeks for normal delivery and eight weeks for c-section.

However, I found out the hard way that it's technically four weeks paid time off for a normal delivery and it is at the discretion of the company to pay the other two for a total of six weeks paid. There are some companies like Google and Facebook that offer four to five months paid though. So why are there so many different rules that are company based and not government based? Not that I want the government running yet one more aspect of life, but there's something to be said when America lags so far behind other countries in this area.

When I started working at my previous job, I knew it was a risk to get pregnant as a new employee. However, the job that I came from before did not have any benefits; no insurance, no vacation, paid holidays were cut back. There were a million things running through my head at the time. I had recently graduated with a BA and really wanted to pursue a career in my field. I decided to put that on hold and find a job that would get me through maternity leave. I thought I was pretty lucky to land the job that I did, but when I was a month into working and got pregnant, I totally freaked out. I didn't tell a single soul at work, not even my cube-mate. I was pushing five months pregnant when I finally told my two bosses.
It's a shame that women feel they must hide something from their employer in fear of losing their job. In the article I read, this woman was a week into her job and found out she was pregnant. When she told her boss, his comment was, "you know you're still on a 90-day probation period". A few weeks later, the woman was let go due to "reorganization" of the company. When I finally released the news to my employer, they were surprisingly great about it. I had a meeting with HR to go through all the paperwork, and boy was it a lot of info!

When time finally came to file for leave, I ran into some issues with getting paid. I felt really uncomfortable asking my employer where my check was, but I had no other choice. In the long run, everything was straightened out, but six weeks was just not long enough for me. I decided to opt for four more weeks (unpaid of course) because I was not ready to leave Jase just yet. In total, I ended up taking the full 12 weeks. That was a long time to be away from work and many people asked if I was coming back.

The week leading up to my return to work was extremely stressful to say the least. I just got into the swing of being a first-time-mom and we were developing a routine. I remember crying non-stop at the thought of leaving my baby in someone else's care. He would be fine, but it was me that was a mess! I really struggled the first month back at work, but finally felt like I fit back in.

From February to December, I worked my heart and soul out for that company. It became my life. So when I put my notice in and eventually left, I was hit with the harsh reality that I no longer had work to engulf myself in. The first week at home was really tough. I found myself in that weird transition phase again and, you guessed it, cried a lot that week! I was once again trying to figure out how to get into a new routine.

After taking some time to reflect, I know that the bouncing back and forth took its toll on me. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I am not the stay-at-home mom type so it was a big adjustment. Initially, three months was not long enough, but the eleven months back at work ruined me. I was caught up in trying to be an amazing employee, while at the same time going into mom mode then wife mode at home. I found little time for ME mode. I knew there was a problem when the days were just motions I was going through. I found myself watching Jase learn new things, but not fully enjoying them.

I don't know how others feel about it, but I've found myself caught up in conversation with women about maternity leave in other countries. Italy offers 22 weeks at 80% pay, while Ireland has 42 weeks at 80% and Australia and the UK provide 52 weeks; the first six weeks are at 90% pay. There are several senators pushing for the United States to make federal laws that cover a longer period of time. Twelve weeks just isn't enough. I do feel that if I had longer in the beginning, it would have been an easier adjustment.

Craft week

Crafting is something I enjoy so much, and I haven't gotten many opportunities over the last year. I haven't even kept up with the baby book details as good as I did the first three or four months. I've only kept the details in the notes section on the phone. <<< I know others out there that are guilty of the same thing!! LOL. So last week, I decided to take some time and make some craft projects with Jase that I've seen on Pinterest, but put off for so long.

The first one wasn't really a craft project so much, but just laziness on my part. When I gave birth to Jase, my husband and I brought a plain white onesie to the hospital with a sharpie marker. We made all the hospital staff that took care of us sign it the night Jase was born. Everyone LOVED the idea and said they were going to keep it in mind. (Thanks Pinterest). Since then, that onesie was folded up and put in a drawer with the other "day he was born" items. I finally took the time to get out to Michael's and buy a frame. It's now hanging on the wall in his nursery.

Love it!

The actual craft that Jase and I worked on was so much fun, but difficult with a wiggly one year old! I bought the canvas a year ago and it's been in the closet. Even worse, I had to climb into the attic to find my old paints from college! That brought back so many memories. When I got everything together on the table, I started mixing colors. Jase stood on a kitchen chair and watched me paint and even tried to help me a few times. Once the base colors were one, Jase decided to take a nap. Painting is hard work. :) 

During his nap, the canvas dried so it was ready for hand and foot prints when he woke up. The right hand print was the first attempt and came out perfect, but he started clapping and jumping around. He was too excited and had a blast. I quickly got the rest of the prints and washed the paint off his little feet and hands. I love the way they turned out and it kept us busy on a day we were stuck inside. 

Jase lending a hand

So much character

Cry it Out!

I imagine this topic will hit home with a lot of mothers out there and spark debate about what's right and wrong. I've always been one that can argue both sides of any issue (should have been an attorney!). However, I'm stuck on this one. Oh don't get me wrong, I can see pros and cons to crying it out...also known as CIO, but I'm in a pickle.

As I stated in the last blog, I have a 14 month old that still gets rocked to sleep. I'm sure a lot of people rolled their eyes and thought, "Seriously? She's doing something wrong". Judge all you want, but it's just what works for us right now. We've tried cry it out many times and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 

For those of you who don't know the term CIO, it's basically a controlled method of letting your child cry for intervals of time until they've cried themselves to sleep. Typically, a parent would wait 10 minutes, go in the room, pat baby on the back and tell him it's okay and goodnight. Then stretch to 15-20 minutes and repeat the process. This all comes from the Ferber approach. There are other, much less horrifying approaches as well, such as the camp out method.

I tried a version of the camp out method many months ago. I slept in the floor of the nursery and any time I heard Jase stirring, I would pat him on the back. When he had crying fits, I would rub his back, making sure not to pick him up, and help him settle back to sleep. This approach actually worked really well and he was sleeping much better within a few days. However, throw a sick baby in the mix and all sleep training goes out the window! So the process started over again. His sleeping got better, then worse.

Around mid-December, I made a big mistake. Zombified, I walked into his room in the middle of the night (after he woke up crying of course), picked him up and brought him to bed with me. Worst habit to break people!! When you're tired and desperate for sleep, you'll do some crazy things. Let's just say since then, I've struggled to get that kid back in his crib at night. Back to crying it out we go.

I've read so many articles and studies on CIO v. non-CIO and there are some very valid points. So, as I lay in bed listening to Jase cry through the wall, tears rolling down my face as well, I look at the clock and see how long he cried. TWO MINUTES. Wow. I can't get through two minutes without feeling like I'm a horrible parent.

I thought back to an article I read about children that stayed by their mother's side all the time. This was mainly due to predators and fear of the child getting attacked (we're talking cave man times here). But what a good point. Babies are trained to be by mother's side at all times for protection and comfort. I also read a study done on babies that were put through the CIO method compared to babies that were not. The babies that were put through CIO method had more stress on their hearts and were more likely to develop heart problems later in life.

So in the two minutes I listened to him cry, all of this is running through my head. However, I continued to try this cry it out method for several days. It's all or nothing with this method, so you have to stick to it and let them cry all night. Not once at bedtime, then comfort them the next. No, it's all or nothing. After a few days, Jase picked up on what I was selling and slept through the night. The next night was a different story though and he cried almost every hour, then woke up sick. Yup. Sick. Again. I couldn't believe it. I waited until he was better and tried again. A few nights went by and same thing. Sick baby. The odd part is he will have one night of sleeping great, then the next he is awake all night, followed by another night of just waking once.

I've come to the conclusion that the CIO method just doesn't work with Jase. He is not a crier normally. He has always been a happy baby so my mind is thinking, "if he's crying, then there's got to be a valid reason". I'd be hard pressed to try cry it out again, but I would like some sleep! When he does sleep, I'm still awake checking on him though. I'll just keep telling myself it has to end eventually!